When you walk through the grass and feel the grass on your feet, you feel as if you are alive. The coldness that comes from the ground feels liberating. When you move your feet, you feel the grass tingling under your feet and going through your toes. It sends chills down your spine. When you hear the wind moving through the grass, it is almost as if it becomes a song. And when the birds sing along, you just dream and drift away. 

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      I open my eyes and I am back to reality. I look at the field. This time I walked further into the field than usual. It is a different view from what I normally see. It starts to get dark, but the beautiful twilight sky makes the landscape mesmerizing. I sit down and watch the sun disappear behind the trees and the mountains. I know I need to go back home. Lady Annabel will get worried, and I do not want that. I get up and start walking back home. 

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      I walk up to the front door and sigh. Right when I touch the handle, the door flies open. I take a step back. I look in the angry eyes of aunt Annabel, or Lady Annabel, as she likes to be called. 

      ‘Where have you been?' She shouts. 

      I look down. ‘I went to the field, Ma’am. Sorry, I lost track of time.' 

      I start twisting and turning the rings on my finger. Lady Annabel is the sweetest aunt, but she is a tough one. She has her rules that you need to follow. If you don't follow them, there are consequences. One time, she locked me up in my room for two days. Another time, she didn't let me have dessert. These were for the same thing that I always do: come home late from the fields. I don't know why I keep going to the fields till after sunset. Especially when I know Lady Annabel is not happy with it. But the fields give me a feeling of being home. A feeling that I am free and can do what I want. I can close my eyes and dream. 

      ‘You do this every time. Why do you keep disobeying the rules? It is simple, young lady. You come home before it is dark,' Lady Annabel rambles further. I try to listen, but my thoughts start wandering. I close my eyes and try to figure out what I felt, heard, and saw.  

      I open my eyes and stare into the darkness. I feel tears on my cheek. I wipe them away and get out of bed, trying to remember where I put my slippers. I start walking to my closet and almost trip.

      ‘Here is where I left my slippers,' I think. I put my slippers on and walk to the closet to get ready. I pick a shirt and pants, hoping that they look okay. This is the biggest struggle every morning: picking my clothes. 

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      I run through the hallway. It is raining outside. Lady Annabel won't let me go on the streets. She probably knows I will end up rolling through the mud. She hates it when I do that. I'm smiling at the thought of Lady Annabel’s face. I love going outside, especially when it's raining. Feeling the raindrops on my face, I can imagine running through the streets, jumping in puddles of water, and seeing how everyone is trying to stay dry under newspapers or whatever they can find. It is funny to see their faces, all grumpy and not amused at all. Some do enjoy the rain, like me, but most don't.

      Because Lady Annabel keeps me inside when it is raining, I run around in the house and play with the dogs. They are always happy when I play with them, especially Mylo, who always has a smile on his face. Sam smiles sometimes, but most of the time he is a little bit jealous. I love to have the dogs around, as the house doesn't feel as empty with them in it. 

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       I walk towards the kitchen, wondering if anyone else is awake. I like walking in the house when no one is awake. When everyone is awake, they keep an eye on me, as if I can't do anything. They come and guide me. I get it; believe me, I do. But I am not helpless. I can do things on my own. 

       I take a deep breath. While I'm walking, I can hear my heart beating. I reach the stairs and start walking down. Step by step. Holding the wooden railing. Sliding my hand carefully over it and making sure I'm counting the steps. Then, I feel the knot, which means it is the last step and I am on the ground floor. Just two more turns and I'm in the kitchen. Trying to remember the map of the house in my head, I start walking again. 

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       Lady Annabel and I are walking with Mylo and Sam on the streets. We mostly talk about being good young ladies. I feel I can connect with her on these walks. I get the feeling that she thinks the same. We have been going out more often lately. I try to behave as she expects me to, but sometimes I can't resist a twist and twirl, laughing as I try to dance. I always see her smile from a distance. Then the smile disappears, and she says to me that young ladies don't do that. I know she likes it when I do these things, and she loves me for them but at the same time, I know she just wants to look good for everyone else on the street. She knows a lot of people. Sometimes we stop, so she can talk to them. 

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       I cannot figure out where I went wrong. I have the map in my head, and I counted the steps. I must have miscalculated. One minute there was complete silence, and the next minute I bump into something and I hear it shatter all over the floor. I try to remember what it could have been. I walk carefully, but then I remember what it was and where I am. I feel the chair next to me as I reach for it. I sit down. My legs feel weak I hear footsteps running towards me. 

       ‘oh no' says Joseph, confirming what I was afraid of. 'Don't move Maria. I will clean it up. Are you okay?' he asks.

       'Yes, I am,' I say with a lump in my throat. I hear the butler's footsteps walk away. 

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       I remember when Lady Annabel and I went together to the store to pick out a chair and a stand. We had so much fun just running around and sitting on every chair they had. It was the first time I saw her having fun and laughing. She didn't correct me for not behaving like a good young lady. She let me pick the chair and the stand. I went for the Bordeaux velvet chair with wooden details that matched with the staircase. It was so comfortable and so soft. It shimmered when there was light on it. Lady Annabel was happy with my choice. Next to the chair was a wooden stand that also matched perfectly with the staircase. It was big enough to have her bust on it. After we bought everything, we went to the ice cream store. I got lemon-flavored ice cream and Lady Annabel got a strawberry-flavored one. We walked to the field with our ice creams and sat there, listening to the sound of the wind. We sat there until the sun started to set. 

      I hear footsteps approaching. 

      ‘I am sorry Maria. I know how much you loved the bust,’ Joseph says.

      I nod, as I hear the broom gathering the broken pieces of Lady Annabel’s bust. Tears start welling up. I remember the day when we got Lady Annabel’s bust. We were so happy when it arrived. The way the sculptor had made Lady Annabel’s face, looking like her actual self, was remarkable. Her small nose was impeccable, and her hair draped perfectly around her shoulder. She had the most beautiful hair; golden, like cornfields, when hit by sunlight. Her lips had a berry colour which matched with her gorgeous blue eyes. Every part of Lady Annabel matched. She was beautiful and the bust showed that. Even without the colours.

      The bust stood in the corner next to the staircase and the window that looked over the street and the fields in front of the house. It was the perfect place to have the statue. I sat in that chair so many times, just to look at the children playing and the people walking by on the street. Sometimes I sat there just to read or write. It was the perfect place. 

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      Suddenly, I wake up from my thoughts. 

      ‘I cleaned everything Maria. If you want, I can take you to where you wanted to go to?’ Joseph asks.

      ‘No, thank you, Joseph. I will stay here for a bit,’ I say. I hear Joseph walk away. I can’t shake this feeling. The same feeling, I had on the day of the accident. 

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      Lady Annabel and I went for a walk, but this time we went out of our neighborhood. I remember that we were walking in Regent Street. While we were walking, Mylo and Sam saw something. The moments after that went by in flashes. I remember that Lady Annabel and I started running after them. Suddenly, a honk in the distance, squealing tires, a smack, and then nothing but darkness followed. 

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      I heard voices next to me. I tried to wake up, but everything was black. I could swear that I opened my eyes, but as hard as I tried, there was nothing. I started to panic and call for help. 

      ‘Maria! Maria! Calm down,’ I heard. I didn’t know where I was or what had happened. 

      ‘You have been in an accident. A car hit you and your aunt. You hit your head to the ground and that caused some damage to your brain. We are sorry Maria, but unfortunately, you can’t see anymore,’ 

      ‘What about my aunt? Where is she? Is she okay? And Mylo and Sam? Are they okay?’ I asked.

      ‘Unfortunately, your aunt didn’t survive the accident. We are very sorry Maria. Your dogs are fine; they are back home with Joseph, you need to rest; I will come and check on you later,’ the doctor said and left. I was alone in the room when it hit me what had happened. I started crying. All I could do was cry. I was broken. I felt empty inside. I had never felt so alone as in that moment. 

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      I grab my walking stick, knowing that Joseph had put it next to my chair. I walk towards the door and walk down the little stairs in front of it. Holding the stick in front of me, I walk towards the street, making sure no cars are coming. I cross. I turn right and start counting my steps, so I don’t miss the entrance. After fifty-eight steps, I am where I want to be. I take off my shoes and pick them up. I take a step and I can feel it. I can feel the coldness under my feet. The tingling of the grass. The breeze over my skin. I start walking into the field. I can see it in front of me. The grass moves. The wind makes the trees dance. The clouds create figures in the hills. The smell of roses. I can forget everything and see what I want to see. In a way, being blind makes me see more than I ever did before. It makes me see things differently. It is a beautiful curse in which I am searching for my way. My way of finding myself and focusing on the beautiful things around me.