BREATHE IN... AND BREATHE OUT.... I OPEN MY EYES AND LOOK AT

the reflection of myself in the lake. It is a warm summer’s night and the crickets are singing. It is a song made for the night. The water is dark and still, and it gives me peace when I look at it. I finally feel calm after this unbearable day. The only thing I did was run around, second-guessing all my decisions, and I even cried in the bathroom after my colleague had scolded me for something I didn’t do, but I couldn’t even tell him that! Sigh. What am I doing with my life? What am I doing with myself? A tear falls down my cheek. I stare up into the night and the moon is shining bright. When I look closely enough, I can see the craters in the moon and one even looks like a flower. I like seeing flowers. They bring joy and colour in life, or at least, that is for most people. I just see them dying bit by bit every day until they are all brown and hanging down like lost souls. I know it’s depressing to think like this, but it is what it is. I just don’t see the use of having them. I like to see flowers outside and in parks but in my home, you won’t see any. They will die because I forget to give them water or because they actually are dying. So, I just don’t see any purpose in having them.

​

      Brrr, where did that breeze come from? Wrapping my jacket closer around me, I notice there are small lights around. I smile. There are suddenly maybe a hundred fireflies around me. They look like small flying stars in the nighttime and they are dancing on the beat of the crickets. It looks magical, like a fairy tale that is happening in front of me. The dancing of the fireflies is hypnotic to look at. So beautiful. I sit as still as possible. I don’t want to scare them away. They start coming closer and closer and the way they start dancing is almost terrifying. So rapid and chaotic and so close to each other. As if there is a thunderstorm coming. Suddenly they stop and they are just hovering there. On their spot, doing nothing.

​

      What the hell is going on? I start getting up when I hear a voice.

      “Don’t be afraid!”

       I look around me, but I don’t see anyone. Quickly I grab my bag and as I turn around, I see someone standing in front of me but I can’t see the face.

      Omg, omg what do I do? Okay, I can run for it, but I don’t know if that’s smart. Maybe I can just walk away quietly? Okay, stay calm, Luna. Just breathe in and out.

      “Who is there?”
       I look at the person but nothing. No response whatsoever.
      “I have pepper spray so don’t you think to come near me!”

​

Still no response. All of a sudden the person starts moving towards me. I take a step back, ready to run away when I see the face of a young woman with long, dark, chocolate-coloured hair, amber/golden eyes and cherry coloured lips. She is wearing a long dress that is the colour of the moon and shines bright once she steps out of the shadows. I’ve never seen anything like this before. I stare at her with big eyes, not knowing what to do or say. It is quiet for a couple of seconds whilst we stare at each other.

      “Hi Luna, how are you?” she smiles. It is a comfortable smile and I start relaxing my shoulders.

      “How do you know my name? And who are you?”

      “I am Cynthia, and I know who you are because I have been watching you.”

      Well, that is not creepy at all, watching me! Puff.

      “I know it sounds creepy that I’ve been watching you, but I come with good intentions!”

       I look into her eyes. How did she know that! Who is she? Or better saying, what is she?

      “That is a good question!” she laughs, “I am Cynthia, the protector of humans and animals.”

      I start laughing. Is this girl serious? If she thinks that is real, she is crazy.

      “Okay protector of the humans and animals, why are you here?”

      “I know you think I am crazy, but it is the truth. I am here for you! You’re lost, my child. I am hoping I can help you find your- self again.”

      How did she know that?

      “How do you know that I am lost? It’s not like I said anything?”

      “I know because I can read your mind and feel your pain. You are struggling and it hurts you because you don’t know how to get out of it.”

     

       I look away and I notice that the fireflies are gone. It is just her and me. I should feel terrified but instead, I’m still standing here not knowing what to think at this moment. How can she help me? Isn’t this something I need to figure out myself? But then again, I don’t know what to do so maybe I should listen to her and see what she says. The worst that can happen is that she can’t help me.

      “Okay I know you can read my mind, but how do you think you can help me?”

     

       Cynthia smiles and starts walking toward the flowers. She starts picking the roses; first the red ones, then the blue ones and at last the white ones. From each colour, three flowers.

      “Why three roses from each colour?” I ask. She looks at me and starts walking towards the edge of the lake. I watch her closely because I get a feeling. I don’t know what the feeling means but I suddenly feel tense again.

      “This is for you to find yourself. I need to surround you with these roses so you can feel their energy.” She looks at me and nods for me to come to her. I walk to her and stand looking at the black water and the reflection in it. Without a warning, she steps into the water and walks until the water reaches her belly. She turns around and smiles.

      “Come on, the water isn’t that cold and to be able to help you, I need you to be in the water with me.” I look at her, then around me and then back at Cynthia. I feel uneasy, especially because the water is black, and it is the middle of the night.

      “Don’t be afraid, nothing will happen. Only when you are in the water you will feel the energy that you need to help you find yourself.” She gives me a reassuring smile and for some reason, I’m convinced it is fine. I start taking off my jacket and my boots. Then I put one foot in the lake. It is deeper than I thought it would be, and so much colder. I put my other foot in the lake, and I’m standing knee-deep in the water. Chills come up my spine from the cold; I wrap my arms around myself. I take a deep breath in... and out, and I start walking towards Cynthia.

      “What now?” I ask. She looks at me and looks up to the moon.

      “It is almost a full moon, just five more minutes. That is when the energy will be the strongest for you to find yourself.” She smiled her reassuring smile again and I smiled back.

      “Now lay with your back in the water so you are floating in the lake.”

​

       I do as she asks and as I go fully in, my breathing stutters as the coldness of the water reaches my lungs. I start breathing deeply in and out, telling myself to keep breathing normally and that the water is 35 degrees, so it is nice and warm. It helps a little. Cynthia starts putting the roses around me and while she does that, she says something. I can’t hear what it is, but it sounds like an enchantment in a different language. She looks at me and tells me to close my eyes and keep breathing in and out. I try to keep my eyes closed but I am curious about what Cynthia is doing. I see that the moon has reached its full form and when I look at Cynthia her expression has changed. Her face becomes red and dark circles form around her eyes. I don’t know what to do and I just freeze up in the water. Cynthia starts screaming things and I cannot move.

      Why can’t I move, get out of here Luna, go!

      But I can’t move. I just stare at Cynthia as she transforms into a devil-version of herself. I have never felt as scared as this moment in my life. Cynthia turns around to me and looks me in the eyes. Eyes of death are staring at me. I try to scream but nothing comes out and Cynthia just laughs. Then she puts her hands on my shoulders, while she keeps staring me in the eyes, she pushes me down slowly. I take a deep breath in before I am fully immersed and feel the pressure of her hands pushing me down. The only thing I can do is stare at her eyes while she keeps laughing and smiling. The pressure of taking a new breath is getting more and more. While I release my breath slowly, I know my last breath is coming. I try to inhale but all that comes in is water. Paralyzed, I can’t do anything, and I notice myself sinking away to the bottom of the lake. Noticing my mind has started to shut off and my sight starts to become blurry, the last thing I see and remember is Cynthia’s eyes. Her death eyes.

​

      I take a deep breath in... and a deep breath out. In again and out. I notice I can move my fingers and I start to regain control of my body. I feel a pressure on top of me and I immediately remember Cynthia. My eyes fly open and the bright light blinds me from seeing anything for a minute. As my sight starts coming back, I see the ceiling of my apartment. I look around and I notice I am in my bed.

      How is that possible? It was so real, it can’t be, but why am I in my room?

​

      I sit up in bed and I am in my pyjamas. My hair is dry, and my clothes are hanging on my chair. I put my hands on my head as I realise it was just a dream, a nightmare more to say. I sigh in relief.

      That was so scary, but it has made me realize that life is too short and I should do what I want to do and take risks. This is the only way to find myself and be happy. I smile and pull the sheets off of me to get dressed, knowing what I need to do now.

​

      As I walk to my chair to put my clothes on, I notice a red rose next to my bed. And another blue one and a white one. I walk around and notice there are six more roses laying in a circle around my bed. I stand there not able to move again and that is when I realize as I take a deep breath in...